MurluneHow to listen when a stranger opens up to you
By the Murlune team · Updated October 31, 2026
Someone you don’t know tells you something real. You want to help, and you are afraid of saying the wrong thing. Most of the time, you don’t need the right words. You need to show that you heard.
Here is what good listening looks like, what to say, what to avoid, and what to do if what you hear worries you.
Five habits that help
The Samaritans, who train volunteers to listen, sum it up in a simple set of tips called SHUSH:
- Show you care: give them your full attention and put your phone away
- Have patience: it may take time before someone is ready to say it
- Use open questions: ask things that can’t be answered with yes or no, then “tell me more”
- Say it back: repeat what you heard to check you understood
- Have courage: don’t rush to fill a silence, and don’t be put off by a difficult reaction
Things you can say
Simple sentences work, as long as they respond to what the person actually said:
- “That sounds really heavy.”
- “Thank you for telling me.”
- “What has been the hardest part?”
- “So it’s not just that it happened, it’s that nobody noticed. Is that right?”
- “Would you like ideas, or do you just want it heard for now?”
Things to avoid
These usually come from wanting to help, but they can close the door:
- “At least…”, which makes the pain sound smaller
- “Everything happens for a reason”, or anything else that explains it away
- “I know exactly how you feel”, followed by your own story
- Advice they didn’t ask for, or a diagnosis
- Questions asked out of curiosity rather than care, or asking for personal details
Listening in writing
When all you have is a bottle or a message, your words have to do the work a nod would do. Mention one specific thing they wrote, so they can tell a person read it. Take your time, and keep it short enough that it doesn’t become about you.
If you share something of your own, offer it as company and not as a solution: “I went through something a bit like this, and the nights were the hardest part.”
You can stop too
Listening doesn’t mean carrying everything. If a conversation becomes too much, or turns abusive or sexual, you are allowed to leave. “I can’t be the right person for this, but I’m glad you said it” is an honest way to step back. If they sounded in danger, share a helpline before you do.
If you are worried about them
If someone sounds like they might hurt themselves, it is okay to ask gently and directly whether they are thinking about suicide. Stay calm, take it seriously, and encourage them to contact their local emergency number or a helpline. You are not responsible for saving them.
On Murlune, you can also report the message so that a person on our small safety team can see it. A report isn’t an emergency service and may not be read right away, so please share a helpline as well.