MurluneIs it good to vent?
By the Murlune team · Updated October 31, 2026
Sometimes, and it depends on how. Telling someone what is weighing on you may help you feel less alone and see it more clearly. Replaying it at full heat can leave you angrier than you started.
Here is what research has found, where it stops short, and how to tell the kind of venting that helps from the kind that keeps you stuck.
Blowing off steam doesn’t cool anger
The old idea is that anger builds like pressure, so letting it out brings relief. A 2024 review of 154 studies with more than 10,000 participants, led by researchers Kjærvik and Bushman, did not support it. Activities that lowered physical arousal, such as slow breathing, mindfulness and relaxation, reduced anger. Activities that raised arousal generally did not, and some made it worse.
That review is about anger and how worked up the body is. It says less about quietly telling a friend what has been weighing on you. Being heard and raging are not the same thing.
Talking can bring you closer, and keep you stuck
Psychologists use the word co-rumination for two friends going over the same problem again and again. In a six-month study of 813 young people, it went along with closer friendships. Among girls, it also predicted more symptoms of anxiety and depression.
Those were schoolchildren and teenagers, so it may not apply to everyone. The useful point is that a conversation can be warm and still go in circles.
What about writing it down?
More than 400 studies have tested expressive writing about something stressful. A large meta-analysis found a benefit, but a small one, and results varied widely from study to study.
It does not suit everyone. In one trial, 116 healthy young adults wrote for 20 minutes on four occasions, and overall it made no difference to anxiety or depression symptoms. Those who usually express their emotions felt less anxious three months later, while those who usually don’t felt more anxious, though other studies have pointed the other way. So if writing leaves you feeling worse, you can stop. Nothing has gone wrong.
Signs it’s helping, or keeping you stuck
Check how you feel afterwards, not during:
- Helping: you feel calmer, understood or a little clearer about what you need
- Helping: the story changes as you tell it, and you notice something new
- Stuck: you feel more wound up than when you started
- Stuck: you tell the same story in the same words, week after week
- Stuck: you are mostly building a case against someone
How to vent so it leaves you lighter
- Cool down first. A few minutes of slow breathing can help before you begin.
- Set a limit: ten minutes, or one page, then stop and do something ordinary.
- Say what you feel, not only what they did. “I felt small” goes further than listing their faults.
- Tell the person what you need: “I don’t need advice, I just need you to listen.” Ask whether now is a good time.
- End with one small question: what do I need tomorrow?
- If you notice the same loop returning, try writing about it from a distance, as if it happened to a friend.
When you have nobody to vent to
Words can still leave you when there is no one to hear them. An unsent letter asks nothing of anyone. On Murlune you can write one and burn it on screen, and it never leaves your device. If you would rather have someone read it, a message in a bottle can reach a stranger who may write back.
When venting isn’t enough
If the same pain has filled your days for weeks, or your anger frightens you or the people around you, a counsellor or doctor can offer more than a good talk can.
If you are thinking about hurting yourself or someone else, please contact your local emergency number or a free helpline near you now.